Things are in a constant change right now… everything shifts and moves.
And for that… as you can see, I have renamed this blog again. It came to me weeks and months ago. However, at first I did not know what it would mean to my future path. It was more like a cryptic omen from my unconsciousness. Now I see this name change as a middle ground between deleting the blog / stop writing… and sharing my experiences.
I guess I’m going deeper into the rabbit hole.
I want to make this blog spirit centric (again – my old one was), I want to connect with god/spirit spouses, sprit workers, and all kind of devotees… with people who are in close relationships with their Gods and spirits. But I do not feel comfortable with it yet. You know, it’s a very personal thing to write about, even if I want to. And I know, I have some readers here, who are not that gracious or interested in this spiritual stuff and maybe also think I am batshit crazy. That’s okay. I can’t control who reads me.
On Litha I bound myself to Jove (Zeus) and Juno (Hera) as a student. I want to learn everything They can offer. And as I see… it is very much. It’s a great honor to have them now as my patron/matron deities and I try to do my very best to learn and understand what they give to me – learn with the scourge and the kiss, as a Wiccan would say. I’m not a Wicca but I relate to this concept of initiation and learning. (I know… life is often not sugar coated and as a person with BPD I’m an expert in drama.)
Well… at the same time, my relationship with Apollon ended abruptly. He released me as His priestess without warning, after it was clear, that I wanted to work with Jove. At first, I thought it would crush my heart and that I had made a big mistake and betrayal without knowing. I was very hurt and confused. The whole situation was an unwanted loss, which I did not expect to cause with my words and acts. Apollon tried to quiet me down but I was in panic for some days. After that, a long chain of events followed, from making contact to Papa Legba… to establishing a connection with my ancestor spirits and all the local spirits and deities here.
During my time with Apollon, I had nothing to do with all this kind of things and spirit work. My way was centered on priesthood and adoration. It was just Him and me and I thought it would last forever. But I can understand and accept it better now, because since yesterday, I belong to Dionysus. For the present, it’s more like a loose engagement, just to see if I am able to handle His path… and Him.
In the past we have not been good friends on a conscious level. I have never considered Him as an opportunity. But I understand now how near He always has been and how and where He affected my life. He was entwined with me since I was a child. But He also frightened the shit out of me and made me angry. This insight is mind blowing. Dionysos has always been so close to my heart and I was not able to see Him in my wishful thinking to find a clear, clean and simple spiritual path to enlightenment.
I wrote above that I am an expert in drama. You see… Dionysus can be considered as something like the original cause, why drama was invented in ancient times 😀 😀 so I guess I’m in good company now. Ah… and Hel and Loki are still a big part of my path, more than ever before, I guess.
I hope you will stay with me.
EDIT: aaaahh and I guess… for an apollonian priestess I always loved to swear a little bit too much 😀